You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
