Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
