Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
