woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
