we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
