I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So many bounce houses so little time
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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