I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
