Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
