No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize