i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
