After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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