you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize