so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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