I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I don't think brook has ever known best
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
