READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize