Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I had to cum in my sink.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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