I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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