Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
