my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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