Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize