How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
