Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
