He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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