All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
