Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Too much gin, very little bucket
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
