I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I want to fling myself into the sun
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
