Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
