I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
