my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
