Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
