Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
