Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
