Too much gin, very little bucket
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize