We're like a lot better than the average bears
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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