swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
