Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
