If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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