its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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