Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
