I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
In other news, I just burned my penis
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
