Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
