The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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