he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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