I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize