his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
