I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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