I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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