So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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