Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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