I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
