Tell her she can't have a vagina
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
