Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
