I think I won the penis lottery.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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