Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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