she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
