In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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