Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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