I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
