The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
