I have demons in me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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