He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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