The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize