____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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