I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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