Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
