And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
