Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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