make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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