so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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