that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
