Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
