dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
