Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
