I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I smell stomach acid.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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