I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
