3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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