you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
