just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
