Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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