Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize