She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize