His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
