if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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