i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
