We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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