i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
