Im at strip club and am horny
So drunk its hurt
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
