If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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