He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize