He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
