walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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