Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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