i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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