That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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