I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize