So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Houston, we have a squirter
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
