He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
