awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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