btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
