Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
