I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
