I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize