I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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