Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
