I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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