I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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