oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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