Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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