hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
