I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
